When You Have Forgotten Where You Are
If you have forgotten where you are, pain will remind you. The sharp shooting pain from my neck is like a winter’s day so blustery that it sucks the breath right out of you. Pain is the only thing that can be louder than your mind. It is the kind of pain where the only way out of it is through it, unless of course, you let it slowly, slowly release, but that would take three lifetimes and you don’t have three more lifetimes here, not this time. Not three. Because if you waited like this for three lifetimes you would vanish into the dust that God sweeps up, to make into something else, to try again. That’s what pain can do to you.
Pain is neither bad nor benevolent, but it has a mission, it is like a teacher or a good parent. Pain has one speed, it is neither slow nor fast. But it will draw out of you your will to live the way that you have been. Maybe. Maybe there is no more will for this lifetime and maybe that is okay depending on the life and the time. Pain can seep into you through the volcanic, spongy cracks of yourself, down into the molecules of your lungs and even as you breathe you will feel muscles tighten that weren’t meant to. And it will show you and it will make you feel things that you had forgotten and it is the spotlight of your self and will remind you that you are trying to get back to being whole from a time you can not even remember because you were too small.
Pain will take you back to a place and paint a picture in the sky that you remember from before your brain could do remembering. It is a different knowing. Maybe that was when we could still feel the warmth of the stars and maybe we can still. Pain can wear away your jagged edges into a smooth pebble, flowing. Pain will remind you of who your last master is, one that you will never be able to fully understand, not here, not on this earth, but you might get to know. That is all that is here amongst you and the sun will shine and its harsh rays will peel away the shadows of all the things that you have hidden. Then, you might remember.