I Shouldn’t Have Done This

I Shouldn’t Have Done This

Today I made this image and, I felt guilty the whole time.
I shouldn’t have done this.
For I have chores to do, responsibilities to attend to.
But I still did it, like the bad girl
Sneaking out at night.
I spent twenty minutes hating myself.
I spent two paragraphs writing it down.
Then I rolled my eyes,
No one wants to read that.

There is something wrong with how I am in this world.
I can feel it, this wrongness and it makes me sad.
As long as there are others who might need something from me,
I fear I will never be allowed to be myself.
Wrong indicates the existence of right,
I have no idea, clue, visual of what right looks like.

I don’t even know if I like this image.
It brings Doubt, Fear, Guilt, like torture.
If I give all that I am away
Then what is left, really?
Just a bucketful of duty.
Tell me, who feels loved
By receiving that?
So, here is what I have instead,
This image, whose meaning I can’t explain.
It is me, in some way.
Even if I don’t like it.

Here I am!
I’m sorry if it isn’t what you wanted me to be.
Maybe, I shouldn’t have done this.
But here it is.